My Dream

 

dream

Noun

1.a succession of images, thoughts, or emotions passing through the mind during sleep.

 

2.the sleeping state in which this occurs.

 

3.an object seen in a dream.

 

4.an involuntary vision occurring to a person when awake.

 

5.a vision voluntarily indulged in while awake; daydream; reverie.

 

 

I want to be a writer. It’s one of my sillier secrets. People know I’m into books, and I’ve got a decent grasp of the language. But when people ask me what I plan to do with my smarts after school, I tell them I want to work in business, or maybe go into psychology.

Ya'know, smart people stuff.

It’s not a total lie. Opening a bookstore would be incredible, and I am very interested in psychology. But I get the feeling that working for a fortune 500 company is just not in my cards. For some reason, people think that smart equates to being in a well respected and oh-so-lucrative career. The few people I’ve confided in about this desire (besides Evade, of course) just smile and say “good luck”. I can’t be taken seriously!

The stigma is that wannabe writers are lazy hipsters who think far too highly of themselves to consider a “real” job. Aside from the respected few who get published, most struggling novelists or short story writers are being laughed at and are encouraged to get a job that puts more on the table than ramen. Why would someone as “promising” and “gifted” as me want to waste my life under that umbrella?

Well, I want to tell people, maybe because I love it. Maybe because every second I spend with my fingers wrapped around a pen or pounding on a keyboard, I’m happy. Maybe because I live for the catharic experience of putting words down on paper, and having people read them. Maybe because even if I spend the rest of my life shopping at thrift stores and living in a crappy studio apartment, if I’m writing, I know I’ll be alright. Shouldn’t that be enough? I don’t care if you don’t like it, I live for it. It’s enough for me. So don’t put me on a pedestal, I’m scared of heights.

I can live with it.

What would I like to write? That’s usually the follow up question from people who haven’t patted my naive little head and walked away. Well, short and punchy stuff is what I like. I’m working on a novel, but in little bits. I love short stories, articles, and blogging (duh.). If I’m lucky, maybe I could work for a magazine, newspaper, or website. If I didn’t live where i do, in a place rather far from where I could, I’d volunteer or apply for an internship. In the future, I’d love to own a bookstore, but so far that’s just a pipe dream. I suppose I’ll see what fate has in store for me. The point is, I’m a writer. Whether I’ve written a lot, or nothing. Whether the world has read my work, or only my cat. This is what I’m going to do, this is my dream.

-Zodzia

Smiles

What makes a smile genuine? Is it when your eyes sparkle, and the grin reaches from ear to ear? Is it when you really can’t help but express the joy you feel inside? Or is it when you have genuine intentions of conveying joy, regardless of whether you feel it or not? Perhaps a smile can be any and all of those. For me, I cannot explain how horrible it is to make an intentional smile. I’m sure we have all had to throw one out there every once in a while, despite our hatred for such an action.

But let me warn you about something: If you force smiles too often you’ll find it harder and harder to smile naturally, and when those fake smiles fade away you’re left feeling hollow. Having to fake smile is a most saddening experience. I had always wondered why that is, and I think I’ve figured it out. You see, when you’re pretending to be happy, you feel alright. The little illlusion of happiness allows you to pretend its real, but when that smile fades away you feel a sense of mourning for that joy you don’t have. You long for that happiness and joy that you tried to convince yourself you had, and find despair upon realizing it had never existed to begin with. That realization of saddness tears at the soul over time, and eventually you feel that fake smile rip. You stop smiling and you stop laughing until someone or something is able to stitch it back onto your face. If you can find somebody who gives you the gift of smiling back with a gentle steady hand and strong sturdy stitches, then you’re lucky. If you find somebody who does it multiple times for you, you’re even luckier. And if you find someone who will never quite stitching you back up, then you’re more than lucky; you’re blessed. So thank you lord for blessing me with Zodzia.

 

-Evade

The Thrill of Facebook Stalkerage

stalking

Noun

1.the act or an instance of stalking, or harassing another in an aggressive, often threatening and illegal manner: Stalking is now a crime in many states.

 

Adjective

 2.of or pertaining to the act of pursuing or harassing: Stalking laws have alleviated some problems for famous people.

 

Come on, you know you do it. Don’t even pretend you don’t. Yes, you, the one hanging your head in shame. I know, it may have started out harmlessly enough. A quick “like” of a status, checking out a new picture, giggling at a funny video they post. But soon, it took a turn for the worse. You were bored one day, and ended up looking through all of their mobile uploads. Then, you went through all of their status updates since December. Finally, you’re working your way through their info, diligently checking out music from all of their favorite bands.

Yes, my friend, you are a Facebook stalker. When you log on, before you even check your own alerts, you’re on their page, gazing at their glorious profile picture.

“Yay, new status! Grr, that girl posted on his wall. Is that an inside joke? Ugh, who is that girl he tagged in the picture??? BRARGHPHLACRAGH!!!!!!”

OMG HE POKED ME! WHAT DO I DO?

Don’t worry, I’m not judging here. As a matter of fact, I speak as an active Facebook stalker as well! Yes, it’s true, I Zodzia am a creepy, lurking, Facebook weirdo. And you know what’s worse? I stalk people I don’t even know! Evade has this friend in Oregon, who I don’t even know anything about, yet I find myself checkign his profile every day, wondering what he thinks about on a day to day basis. I can’t believe I’m admitting this, let alone to the internet, but I guess that’s the beauty of a blog and pen-name.

If you’re looking for a cure to this phenomenon, you’ve certainly come to the wrong place. maybe Evade can help you, but I’ve got nada. However, if you wanna hide in the bushes with me and be a creeper, there’s more than enough room! I’ll bring the trench coats!

 

-Zodzia

A Quick Word on Writer’s Block

dry spell

 

noun

1.a prolonged period of dry weather.

 2. a period of little or no productivity or activity, low income, etc.

I bet a few of you readers (if you’re out there) are wondering why Evade hasn’t been posting recently, while I’ve been blogging like nobody’s business (I can’t blog at home, so I do it at school where I have ample time to work my creativity). Well, she and I work like that 🙂 As you know, we’re practically opposites in every way, so it makes sense that while I’m feeling the muses on my doorstep at every possible second, my dearest is having a bit of trouble finding the words. She is experiencing the dreaded writer’s block!!! But don’t worry, I’m sure soon that the winds of inspiration will fly back into that pretty little head of hers, and when it does I hope that you’ll greet her again with open arms!!!

-Zodzia

A Humble Teenager’s Take on Relationships

ma·tu·ri·ty

  noun

1.the state of being mature; ripeness: The fruit will reach maturity in a few days.

 

2. full development; perfected condition: maturity of judgment; to bring a plan to maturity.

 

3. Finance .

a. the state of being due.

b. the time when a note or bill of exchange becomes due.

 

 

 

Evade and I were talking one night (shocker), and the subject drifted to relationships. More specifically, the right age to enter into one. I was complaining to her about the lack of guys at my school, and how the few articulate, nice, and cute ones would have absolutely nothing to do with me.  I told her “You know what? I’m just going to join eHarmony when I turn 18. It’ll save me a lot of heartache and trouble if I find the “one” before I get far along in life.” This was mostly just me hyperboling because I was so frustrated (not to mention I was watching Say Yes to the Dress and feeling a little romantic with no romantic outlet), but we actually started seriously discussing the right age to meet our soulmates (if there even is one out there for us). We both agreed that 18-the early 20’s would be ideal. *Cringes to avoid the flying tomatoes of feminism and career oriented people*

I mean, this is just my opinion. Think about it, I would want to go through my life with my best friend. Life would be, well not easier, but better, with the stability of a long-term boyfriend or fiancee. Not to say I get married right out of high school and start making babies, far from it! I just love the idea of meeting the person you’re meant to be with earlier rather than later, and growing with them.

It’s like we’d be two trees, growing close together. We’re young, green, and the only thing we know is the world immediately surrounding us. We’d take strength from each other, get through the rain and snow, and lean on each other as we make it in the world. The only thing stable is our love. Eventually, we’d get big enough that our trunks grow into each other, swirling around, the two of us becoming one. We’d be the strongest tree in the forest, creating our life together.

There will be a lot of naysayers, I know that. “People grow apart”, “You need to discover yourself first”, “You need to look at the possibilities!”, and whatnot. I honestly think it all boils down to maturity. And as a teenager, I know I’m not the most mature person. But I believe that when that one person, fate will make sure you find them when the time is right. And when I do find that person, I’m going to grow with, for, and into them, as he will for me. Whether that happens when I’m 18, 25, 0r 40, when true love comes around, I want to be able to make compromises necessary to be a bigger person. I want to have the wisdom to know when the right boy or man is in my arms, and then to hold onto him tight.

 

Isn’t that what we all need in the end?  🙂

 

 

Zodzia

‘Gimme Some Aplomb!

a·plomb

noun

1.imperturbable self-possession, poise, or assurance.

2.the perpendicular, or vertical, position.

 

Any readers, are you out there? If you are, wish my girl Evade good luck! She’s starting her new school this week! And you know what she needs? My new favorite word, aplomb! Confidence people, everyone needs it! Especially us teenagers, we’re swirling cesspools of negativity and doritos on the inside. With all the mixed messages, hormones, and peer pressure, it’s a wonder any of us have any self-esteem what-so-fricking-ever! That’s why we need as much help as we can get, whether from parents, teachers, or even more importantly, friends.

I say more importantly, not because friends are the most important things in our lives, but because as of now, they have a lot more influence. Think about it, we spend almost six hours a day with our friends, and then are texting them when we get home. We spend honest-to-goodnest face time with our parents only about 2 hours a day on weekdays, if we’re lucky. Our friends have influence that our parents can only dream about having on us. It’s both a detriment and a blessing. A detriment if you have the wrong kind of friends, a blessing if you have the right ones. The wrong friends will hurt  and knock you down under the guise of a smile and a willingness to “help”. The right friends build you up, and are the best thing since sliced bread. Evade and I were actually talking about this the other night. I was commenting to her about how she’s the only one who sees a certain side of me, and she said that that was what she loved being my friend. I realized that’s what friendships are for, to not only uncover those secret sides of you that you hide from the rest of the world, but to celebrate them and make you feel worthy of having those feelings. I only have about 3 friends, Evade being one of them. Hopefully Evade has more, and will make even more in her new school!

I guess what I’m trying to say with this whole, long, rambling post about aplomb, doritos, and friends, is that we as humans are very receptive to our environments. We’re sponges, constantly soaking up what is around us and letting it influence who we are and how we act. As we get older, we develop a shell to the outside, and become more set in our ways. Some grownups take this too far and become completely unlearning, preferring simply to live in a world where everything they know is all there is. I hope that doesn’t happen to me. Even with all the bad things that come from being sensitive to my world, I never want to stop feeling it. I want to learn, hurt, be misunderstood, fall and get back up again. It all goes back to the theme this blog was founded on, life is a show. It’s up to you whether you’ll let other people pull you off the stage, or give yourself a standing ovation for being the best person you can be.

 

 

-Zodzia

Delicious, Delicious Cereal

morn·ing

noun

 

1.the first part or period of the day, extending from dawn, or from midnight, to noon.

2.the beginning of day; dawn: Morning is almost here.

3.the first or early period of anything; beginning: the morning of life.

 

An assignment for my speech class: Write a 2 minute speech about your favorite breakfast cereal, and why.

 

 I don’t have a lot of time in the mornings, seeing that I have an ongoing affair with my snooze button. Sometimes I’m so rushed that I run out of the house desperately trying to do my hair while simotaneously trying not to trip as I throw my shoes on while I’m on my way to the bus. That is why cereal is usually my breakfast food of choice.

There are several different types of cereals, from the heart-healthy to the sugar-coma-inducingly sweet. There are hoops, flakes, puffs, grains, berries, and anything you can imagine. That’s why whenever my mom heads to the store, the variety of choices involving cereal leave my brother and I absolutely salivating while we throw the boxes into the cart.  Some of my personal preferences include the classic Cheerios, dessert-disguised-as-breakfast Cookie Crisp, and the all-important Smart Start (you can eat more ’cause it’s healthy!) But my all time absolute favorite cereal is…drumroll please…Cinnamon Toast Crunch!

Cinnamon Toast Crunch is the best cereal, not only because the satisfying crunch in your mouth when it has reached optimum level of milk-saturation, or the delicious awesomeness that you can still taste well into the day, but it is the beauty! The beauty of being just like cinnamon toast, but without the added frustration of staring at your toaster, willing your breakfast to pop up for you! I’m sure this will cause debate, but there is just something about that little baker on the box that puts this cereal over the top.

Unfortunately, this is also my brother’s favorite cereal. If any of you ever need help on figuring out perfect hiding places that will fit a cereal box optimally, I am an expert 😉

 

-Zodzia

Bad Boys vs. Bad People

mis·un·der·stood

adjective

 

1.improperly understood or interpreted.

2.unappreciated.

Doesn’t every girl have that dream of dating a bad boy? Come on, I know you have. Of seeing that diamond in him when the rest of the world sees coal, of being his shoulder to cry on when he is misunderstood, or be his person to lean on when he’s confused! You want to rescue him, change him, give him a reason to live again! With countless songs written on the subject, movies made, and books written, one would think it was possible to turn every hard partying, scraggly, delinquent into a shining example of citizenship. All he needs is unconditional love…and a new haircut.

Everyone is guilty of it at some point. But here in reality, is it a possibility? Hollywood has conditioneed us girls to be unquestionably accepting of a man’s flaws, because he is always trying, and he loves you, no matter how much trouble he has showing it. But that’s the main difference between Hollywood and the here-and-now. In the movies we love, the man is always sorry. Here, that is often not the case. They couldn’t care less if you love them or not. Yet here we are, blindly trusting that eventually he will come around, while sitting tight as we get treated like crap. So tell me, when is the line drawn between the “bad boy”, and a bad person?

A bad boy is someone who’s made mistakes, someone who ocassionally shows poor judgment. He is probably confused about his purpose and where his life is headed. He wears a little too much black,  and probably owns a motorcycle in better condition than his hair. This is where, if the books/songs/movies are to be believed, that the knight in shining armor in the form of a beautiful woman comes and completely changes his life. The road is bumpy, but she holds onto him tight, he is forever grateful to her, and they live happily ever after. That, my friends, is the ideal bad boy. However, the genuine bad boy is as hard to find as a bad person is hard to avoid. Where the bad boy is misunderstood and deep, with the bad person, what you see is what you get. Yet we women put on the goggles and see more. They make the mistake of believing in the love and devotion that is just not THERE! The bad person cares about no one but himself.

My very best friend (you probably know her), didn’t know the difference. She could swear up and down that her boyfriend loved her. No, not because he would do the little things for her. He wouldn’t call her beautiful, or even make the effort to include her in his every day life. You know how she “knew”? Every time he screwed up, he would send her a text that says “but i luv u”. To her, that was a sign that he was making the positive effort. He was vulnerable dangit! For all of us friends, we saw right through him. We saw that “i luv u” as a tried-and-true copout. To him, it wasn’t a declaration, or a promise. It was an excuse. An excuse to act like a total douche-bag and get away with it. It took her almost a year, tears, drama, breakups, and apologies to finally realize that her misunderstood bad boy was a bad person. Then, she was finally able to dump him like the worthless garbage he was. Thank God.

I think what we are most afraid of is being “that” girl. The one who looks him over, breaks his heart, and ends up paying for it down the line. We don’t want to break anybody’s heart! Which is why we take all the abuse we do, letting our own hearts get broken in the process. But you see, we overestimate our importance in the situation. He doesn’t need you! To him, you’re just a face, he could do this to anybody! The bad person will take every self-sacrificing inch of you and tear it to shreds until there is nothing left. So it is up to you to break the cycle. We as women need to make decisions based on our heads, and our hearts. We should use our common sense, keeping our self-esteem intact at all times.

You could always go for the elusive bad boy, with the inherent risks. That’s always a fantasy to dream about. But wouldn’t it be better to love someone who treats you well from the start? Now that’s a reality to believe in.

-Zodzia

Music…Evade Style.

Now as persuasive as that post Zodzia just made was, I still disagree! Rap and country are two completely different genres with two completely different motives. I personally, as stated by Zodzia, despise country music (despite the fact that I was determined to be a Dixie Chick as a child). Rap is decent, but usually has a rather condescending message. Country on the other hand generally has a better (but less appealing) message. I wouldn’t consider any of the two GOOD music, but I suppose I can see the attraction in country… kind of… not really. But hey, to each their own right? I recently just had a shift in my taste of music and prefer classical, new age, or alternative. Music should be beautiful (referring of course to each individuals interpretation of beauty and what strikes them), and a song that’s anything less doesn’t deserve the respect of being listened to. In my opinion at least…. Zodzia may not agree :] Just letting the rain fall,
– Evade

Living Through Nothing

“Nothing” can imply so many things. Right now, nothing is what I’ve been receiving from someone very special to me. After a breakup (as the dumped, not the dumpee) its hard to receive negative comments or behavior, but it’s even worse to receive absolutely nothing. Perhpas it’s simply because you feel forgotten, because although they still hold a place in your life.. you know they don’t care anymore. Its pathetic, but many of us just enjoy being able to see that someone’s face or name or hear their voice. You can feel as though you still have a part of them. But when all you have is memories, it hurts. For me, I lost the someone who understood and shared my very same unique loves and views of life. It’s hard to find someone like that, and when they leave you it feels as though you’ve lost something priceless. The question is how to deal with it, or if you should even deal with it at all. I guess its something I’ll have to find out for myself. Maybe when this blows over, assuming it does, I can provide a solution to the feeling. Until then, enjoy the rain.

– Evade.